tran-wreck: we are the world!

February 16, 2010

If you are expecting to have your wig blown away in amazement, click the back button.

I’m not really a fan of cheesy charity songs, so I wasn’t planning on watching this. Especially since I heard it was a hot mess. When I kept hearing it was a hot, tranny mess I decided it was best I watch it and bestow it upon anyone who reads this blog and has not heard this.

I’m not saying classics can’t be touched (Jay-Z). But if you’re going to touch them, touch them right! Don’t molest them, please. And definitely don’t rape them like everyone did on this song.

Where do I start with this? I guess at the beginning with Ms. Justin Beiber. Why is he opening the song? Whatever, he actually wasn’t even the worst part. Can we just skip ahead a few seconds to Nicole Scherzinger’s soap opera tran-face? Girl, stop. Be happy you’re in the video, and just nod happily in the background with Randy Jackson and Keri Hilson. While I loved the harmony between Michael and Janet Jackson, they should have let Michael rest in peace. He’s probably haunting Quincy and Lionel’s dreams as I type.

The song/video naturally got more tran-tastic as it progresses, but it was not until the death metal-like rap segment ensued that I decided to take my own life. DO NOT WANT.

Gimme more Jennifer Hudson, Tony Bennett, Pink, Barbra Streisand, Celine Dion, and Usher! Loved hearing Kanye rap again! Gimme less dramatic Nicole faces, Miley Cyrus, Ray Charles’ impersonations, Vince Vaughn looking confused.

And finally… Wyclef, I know you from Haiti and you’re really into this, and I’ma let you finish but um… Mufasa had the best dying cat moment of all time! Why are you trying to recreate it? Ohhhh, you were singing? Oh. Mmmkay…

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